Just one of those days when you feel that everyone out there is trying to get you or hold you down. On such days, I try to tell myself, "Dude, you Really think you are that important?"
It's more of a statement than a question. And I try to distract myself from all these lowlifes (who are out there to get me! *innocent big eyes expression*).
And then, there are days when I am happy doing just the same amount of work, and the same quality of work. And I still feel happy about a job done well.
But on days like today's, I begin to question my satisfaction. I mean, yes, it's a good thing to be satisfied with what you have got (no pun intended!). But is it good to be satisfied with everything that you have got?
That's the war of my spiritual and practical sides (mentioned as SS and PS here on).
SS: At the end of the day (and Life), you would never crib about some office work that you didn't do. And so, it is good enough to be working (after marriage) in a company which, even though, does not provide you with as much work satisfaction as you would like, but gives the comfort of flexible timings and a lot of Annual , Casual and Medical leaves.
PS: Satisfaction leads to stagnation. You will rust and rot, being in that same place for years.
(I feel worse about myself, doing the same kind of work day after day and hating that kind of work and still doing nothing about it. I couldn't agree more with PS.)
SS : Remember the earlier days when you absolutely loved your job (in the previous company) and had a workaholic's lifestyle? 16 hours in office, lots of coffee, dark circles under the eyes and basically looking like a zombie!
PS : Make a mental note of that. We could work together as a team to not do the last part again, and only be happy and satisfied.
I nod in agreement (a tad apprehensive).
SS : (shouting) You have been there, and said that before!
PS: *talk to the hand expression*
As the never ending war continues, I am still at a loss to decide whether the satisfaction one gets in life out of silly, stupid and important things is something to be savored or is it just a step ahead?
I want changes. But I am afraid of making them. What if they don't turn out the way I planned it?
And so, the risk involved makes it a maddening matrix of satisfaction, needs and risk. And I can just look at it like some looser unskilled warrior.
I get jealous when someone gets ahead of me, who was at some point in time, at the same place as I was. I don't want to be satisfied then. (PS says 1-0).
And I go all gooey and weak-kneed when I see some career-oriented woman being all cruel and harsh on co-workers and family alike because of unbridled pressures. And I begin to question the importance of it all. (SS says 1 All).
H says this is what they call the Quarter Life Crisis. I, PS and SS couldn't agree more.