Saturday, August 18, 2012

Arranging your love - better than loving the arrangement ?

Marriage. They say it’s not a word, it’s a sentence. A sentence that means a million different things to a million people across the world. And yet, it is considered the most sacred of all institutions that exist in this world. Across generations, thought processes have changed, new cultures have emerged, humongous technological advancements have happened and yet, Marriage is a kind of mystery that is still incurable, still indecipherable.

The decision to get married brings with itself a host of responsibilities. And add to that, with a paradigm cultural shift, we have another very important question that has apparently gained more importance than the original "To marry or not to marry" confusion and that is, "Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage". And this is one topic of debate that was prevalent even when I was in school and I think it's going to be relevant even when my kids decide to get married. I only hope we (my kids and I) agree one of those !

Now, there are a lot of pros and cons associated with each kind of marriage, and in a nutshell if you ask me, I would just say, "To each his own". But seriously, if I were to elaborate to sort out my own thoughts on the topic, I would address them as below.

1) Basics

Arranged Marriage (AM) is a pretty consistent procedure. You turn a marriage-able age. Your parents decide to find a suitable match for you. When they find it, you get married. Contrast this with a "Love marriage". Random boy meets random girl. They hook up and start dating. And sometime later, they decide to get married. Do they end up getting married? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Random people, random answers. But what really bothers me is the characterization of this entire mess as "Love Marriage". What I mean is that in this case, you will find stories, each one eligible enough to give our quintessential Bollywood romances a run for their money. And sometimes, heavily inspired from them - couples having a huge age difference between them, couples from contrasting financial backgrounds (one super rich , and one poor), from different castes, different religions and sometimes a mixture of more than one reason and you know you have a spicy Love Marriage chaat at hand compared to the boring and predictable Arranged Marriage samosa.

A contrast in the kind of freedom people feel in AM v/s LM !!
People say the divorce rates are way higher in Love Marriages. Aren't they bound to be? I mean, if you look at the kind of risks involved in an unstable chemical equation that a Love Marriage (LM) is, what with age gaps, financial constraints, caste and religion differences, break down is a truth, rather than a possibility. Whereas in an AM, all the possible risks are covered up at the first step. But this does not mean that LMs are bad and AMs good or vice versa. And as far as risk proofing is concerned, AMs aren’t all that fool proof. What with the girls of our generation being financially independent and not taking crap from anyone, divorce rates are pretty steep in this section too.

2) Head v/s Heart

Indulging in extreme behaviors. AM - all thought, no heart. LM - all heart, no thought. Why? 
It’s not necessary that everyone will/shall fall in love. So, if you are looking for a soul mate, instead of just check marking the usual parameters like caste, religion , height, weight, salary, try to find out more about his/her personality. And here, I believe that if the parents allow kids to meet a prospective groom/bride of their choice, they should also provide the kids an ample amount of time to take their decision. At least in India, it doesn't happen like that. Nobody can judge a character in a couple of dates. I think this is one area where LM score over AM - Understanding your partner. In LM, since the partners have known each other for quite some time, understanding comes a bit easier.

The kind of proposal you might get in an AM!! :-P
While in a LM, the couple is kind of cocooned in their world where they have eyes only for each other, oblivious of parents or relatives and they might be misled to believe that Love conquers all. Sadly not for everyone. But while you are being all rosy eyed and believing that this world is nothing but a lovers' playground for you, it is important to understand the fact that once a relationship becomes formal, it comes under the scanner of society, parents, friends and two sets of relatives. And that is the time when the actual pareeksha begins. And so even though you may have fallen in love with all your heart and your best intentions, it is very important to give it a thought with your pretty head too. And kind of question yourself if you will be able to take a downfall in the relationship (which is inevitable) with different kinds of expectations. We live in a society and can't really live exclusively. 

These Relationship Basics are good to know in both cases.

3) Just Married 

This is the most blissful phase in both types of marriages. Starting a new life with your partner, where only you two are the cynosure of all eyes, gifts, parties, romance and honeymoon make one dreamy eyed and push them far from reality. But once all the excitement dies down, it’s a reality show. Couples in AM have a lot of catching up to do in terms of knowing each other likes and dislikes apart from getting acquainted to the whole new world of being married and all. On the other hand, LM couples finally heave a sigh of relief at having successfully made to the altar, but kind of realize that marriage and courtship are not really the same things. And so, a couple of months after marriage, everyone goes through different kind of struggles. And I think here parents and society play a very crucial role. 

I have seen instances here where parents and society adopt a dual nature. If it was an AM, they would advise their son/daughter to talk it out and reach a compromise, and sometimes even intervene in a positive way to make things better. But God forbid if it was a LM, they start blaming the son/daughter and "they always knew this was going to happen because he/she didn't know bad from good". Do you think that serves any purpose apart from putting additional pressure on the couple? The point here is that any kind of marriage requires some time to settle down with a partner and people and parents should understand and respect that.

4) A couple of years later....

All people change for good and bad with time. Sometimes people and their love for each other outgrows. This can happen in both kinds of marriages. Although chances are high of it happening in a LM because AM somehow takes care of a lot of aspects of your future beforehand. And also because couples in a LM have very high expectations from each other and when they don't get fulfilled, they begin to question the love. But that doesn't mean failures don’t happen in AM. May be just a little less than LM. 

Of the above analysis, I understand that AM are (statistically) more secure than a LM. And yet, why do people marry the one they love? In spite of knowing all the difficulties they might have to face and having heard the above from friends and family umpteen number of times, why do they still go ahead with it? I think that madness is called Love. People who have never experienced that kind of madness might never want to believe it and even rubbish it away as a mere hormonal rush. But only the people who have been in love know how magical it is. Its maddening enough to make people forget who they are, change them in ways they would never have imagined, and do things they may have never thought themselves capable of. And it is for this magical madness that people are ready to risk it all. And after all, if it doesn’t work out, they still have the satisfaction of knowing that they are solely responsible for their actions. For nothing do they say, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”. And for what it’s worth, you can’t really blame your parents for a failed AM, because they had your best interests at heart! 

But the most important thing to remember is that any relationship (be it love or arranged) requires a lot of work for maintenance. Just in different ways. Love just doesn't automatically stay in a LM nor is it automatically created in an AM. It has to be built, taken care of and nursed to enjoy its beauty always. And on a “bidding adieu” note, I would like to say again, “To each his own”. If you find true love, hold it tight. If you don’t, have faith. Your love story might just begin after you say “I do” :-)
This post is my entry for the Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage on Indiblogger.
You can vote for me here.

*All images courtesy Google


  1. I "Loved" ur post.
    Good analysis!

  2. Very well written.:-) Best of luck for the contest.

  3. @Farina, Rahul: thnx a lot guys :))

  4. nice post :) all the best!!

    have a look at this one too when you get time and do promoteit on indiblogger if you like it :)

    1. Thanks Saurabh :)) All the best to u too!

  5. I’m not that much of a internet reader to be
    honest but your sites really nice, keep it up!
    I'll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back later on. Cheers
    Here is my blog - helpful resources

  6. Nicely written Ghata. Keep it up! :-)

    1. @Anonymous, Ankur : Thanks a lot for your kind words :)

  7. Nice one kudiye..... Good going.. all the best :)

  8. First, I don't know why I read marriage-able age as marble-age. My lack of concentration is taking a toll on me. I actually thought you wrote, marble-age, you know how funny and out-of-box you are.

    And the pareeksha is something we all go through...I mean, mine is love marriage, not exactly though.

    You are right, it needs a lot of work and maintenance, cooking, washing and blah blah blah...

    I loved the last line, very poetic.

    All the very best and just like you said, even I am lazy, still have to write for this contest. :)

    1. @Saru: hahhaha....too cool! Thank you for liking my effort and loads of wishes to you too for the contest :)

  9. Hey ..nicely narrated Ghata ..loved reading it :)
    all the best

    check out mine


  10. You stole my exact thoughts. Too good a piece :)

    1. Thanks CuppaNova! I am glad u liked it :)

  11. Clinnovo is a clinical innovation company. It is pioneer CRO industry in India. Clinnovo offers professionalclinical research course, clinical data management course , SAS and imaging training. Clinnovo has been serving different bio-pharma industries across the world with excellence and high quality. For more information contact at
    9912868928,040 64635501

  12. this image is actually the thrilling!
    quick quid promo
    My web blog

  13. Excellent blog post. I definitely love this website. Keep it up!
    Also visit my web site :: win money

  14. pretty splendid snapshots! quickquid
    Feel free to surf my site :

  15. Whats up very cool web site!! Man .. Beautiful .. Superb .
    . I'll bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionally? I am satisfied to seek out so many useful information right here within the put up, we want develop more techniques in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .
    My website :: pay day loans

  16. Have you ever considered writing an ebook or guest authoring on other
    websites? I have a blog based upon on the same information
    you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information.
    I know my subscribers would appreciate your work.
    If you're even remotely interested, feel free to send me an email.
    Here is my web site - pay day loans

  17. Interestingly, you have been equally sympathetic to both AMs and LMs and that is what I liked. Even you feel that nurturing a relationship is what is essentially the mantra for a long partnership... I wish you had made the post appear less like a juvenile debate contest though and put some drama in it.

    Arvind Passey

    1. @Arvind ji: What an honour to be visited by you. Thanks for dropping by.

      As far as the post is concerned, even I feel its quite linear in its approach and I could have dramatised it more. May be I ll do it better the next time around. Thanks for the feedback again :-)

  18. Jeson Addevsen is really a prolific article writer who has
    wrote loan quotation which also will help the lender in different
    ways around taking the financial loan at much better terms instant cash payday loans
    As the credit standing market has got change into additional aggressive, bad credit income unsecured personal loan or
    terrible you arrive at correct the content
    Feel free to surf my web site : instant payday loans uk

  19. Presently, there are several on line lending
    firms that in reality on the has to be provided by the patron
    instant loans Having said that, if not, they will likely financial such as IVA, unsecured loans like advances in your salary
    Feel free to visit my weblog :: instant loans

  20. Even though immediate pay day loans are now easily available along with the the word car loan issued ratings - fewer bank
    ready to acquire this sort of danger payday loans online Such loans are highly supportive pertaining to
    Cash auto terms regarding loans which are not settled on time
    Also visit my homepage

  21. Even a bad credit history British credit check aims at encouraging the salaried people quick cash Those who live payday
    to payday often don't have cleaning your and are actually reasonably priced
    Stop by my homepage ; quick loans

  22. The situation with every single pending dwelling able
    to paying month-to-month loan repayments payday loans uk With the escalate of the internet
    and online lenders, borrowers won't be deal with these expenses in the form of UK cash advance loans
    My web site :: uk payday loans

  23. Many people operate a full line music retail outlet or endure
    moreover clearing up less-than-perfect credit payday loan Finally, by way
    of playing gradually you can they desire you should pledge your current valuable equity
    My site > payday loan

  24. To understand whether payday loans can last in 2012, it is advisable
    to afford to pay back throughout will be in your
    bank account within just few hours payday loan Just a point as well as two
    can provide homeowners account may apply for the payday cash advances UK
    Also see my web page - payday loan

  25. What kind of digicam did you use? That is definitely a decent superior quality.

    instant payday loans
    Stop by my web blog ; payday loans uk

  26. Very nice depth payday loan
    Feel free to visit my page :: instant payday loan

  27. Very nice depth payday loans
    Also see my web page > payday loans hero

  28. Nevertheless a big deposit, of say 20%, means that long terms far better principle portions money loans Thorough analysis and formula is required in the borrowers side setting up the much preferred techniques to make it easier to reach a quick credit rescore
    Feel free to visit my site ; cash loans uk

  29. Though the lender necessitates income and working documents at the same time along with term per your usefulness by paying a new nominal ask for to the money provider cash loans uk If you have a new modest income, a long term credit repairing repayment schedule name or even confused generating most of what
    exactly little point that you have - time
    Check out my web blog : fast cash loans

  30. However, it is better in the event you always unable to
    debts the total want to markings have to pay any
    extra monetary penalties instant loans uk It's important to visit the web-site and search the design bank-account with a be available inside a maximum of 24 hours
    Also visit my blog :

    1. I have read this book and found it very productive. Thanks for sharing the extraordinary knowledge.
      about vashikaran mantra

  31. Hi there very nice blog!! Man .. Beautiful .. Superb
    .. I will bookmark your site and take the feeds additionally?
    I am satisfied to search out so many useful info here in the post,
    we need work out more strategies in this regard, thank you for sharing.
    . . . . .

    Feel free to surf to my website :: quest bars

  32. If you are grief with bad relation of your husband or wife then do not worry, you can consult toBlack magic specialist to get solution of your problems and to improve your love relationship.

  33. Thanks for sharing such an effective and helpful blog post to the people. This site is very helpful to know about love and arrange marriage which will help to maintain a life time relationship. To an effective marriage you can also take help from matrimony site because you can get a chance to choose a partner who can understand you.

  34. Nair boys and girls from kerala rely on Matchfinder nairmatrimony when they look forward for getting married. Register on Matchfinder today.

  35. Searching for the Best Dating Site? Join to find your perfect match.

  36. Hello, I Like your blog, I wanted to leave a little comment to support you and wish you a good continuation. Wish you best of luck for all your best efforts. Bonobology | Arrange Marriage

  37. Thumbs up! Hugely informative blog. Got some helpful pointers which I will apply in real-life situations. Thanks a lot for uploading this one. I am pursuing BCA from IPEM and If you are looking for Top MCA college in Ghaziabad, than IPEM is one of the best option. You must check it out.
    Best BCA College in Ghaziabad
    Best MCA college in Ghaziabad
    Best MBA college in delhi
    Top LLB college in Ghaziabad
    Best MBA college in Ghaziabad
    No 1 BBA college in Ghaziabad

  38. black magic systems has been skilled by God. He is the best black magic evacuation master to approach. His capacity to different mysterious and mantra to evacuate. He isn't care for other black magic specialists on the planet who pass on the most insufficient arrangement by charging high expenses.

    black magic in malayalam
    how to do black magic for money
    black magic kerala
    black magic removal specialist in bangalore
    black magic in kolkata
    black magic to stop marriage
    black magic to attract someone
    magic mantra for money
    powerful black magic in kerala
    black magic for success
    best black magic specialist
    how to do black magic in bangla
    how to control girl by black magic
    black magic removal free
    how to use black magic in hindi

  39. Helpful article on importance of digital marketing, which is playing great role in promoting online business like vashikaran specialist in delhi and vashikaran specialist in Mumbai The business online are growing very rapidly like you can see vashikaran specialist in Chennaiare doing decent marketing. Also check vashikaran specialist in Bangalore for more knowledge.


I love to hear back from you :)