Friday, August 31, 2012

Poll khul gyi or really?

I have done a poll after a really long time. Not because I didn't have any bright ideas, but because the poll option in Blogger wasn't working. And so, I broke up with it and hooked up with PollDaddy. And I really liked it because it has way more options than the Blogger one. Anyway, I digress.

So this time, the poll question was "Why do you think people get married?" And no prizes for guessing, I really found asking myself this question after writing this post. I mean, why take so much pains for manaoing your parents to agree to a love marriage or go adjusting and living with total strangers in an arranged? When all you could do with your time and money is sleep, watch movies, read, and shop and have fun! Why this pressure to get hitched and settle down? And yes, it really is settling down because you are down and out with all your energy zapped because of the zillion responsibilities that come with being married. I think that the debate should ideally be “Marriage v/s Single/Live-in". But whatever. And so I decided to ask this question to you guys. And as always, was I surprised.

The results look something like this:


And at least I had thought our generation didn't fell prey to this "don’t know and doing it because everybody else is" and got married for some reason, even though that reason may be dowry, sex, love, or societal acceptance. Our society isn't really keen on live-in relationships even though half the world I know is doing it. Live-ins are quite the 'settling up' thing as you get to stay together with your partner with the all perks of marriage without having to take care of the baggage of relatives, attending parties/functions of both the sides or trying to impress the in-laws. It’s like living the best of both worlds. But I think our society is really sadist in a way that people got married to get what they wanted and they make sure that nobody else gets it easy! It’s like, making you realize the importance of your action by having to pay for it! How mean!





But having said that, that's a long road ahead and nobody knows in today's world who's going to remain married for how long. People change partners as quick as jobs and clothes and there's nothing that can keep them together if they don't want to, not even a marriage certificate. And that again brings me to the question, why do we get married? With all that fanfare? The phenomenon that has given rise to the dowry system. And dowry deaths. I mean, if you really need to change partner, why invest so much money on dikhaawa and marriage and dowry. Live with whoever you want. Live as long as you want to and then move away, without ugly divorces. But I guess the social bondage that comes with a marriage gives people the much needed blanket of security.

Interestingly, an equal number of people voted for Love and sex. WOW! Love equals sex? hmm...believe our generation to be practical and blatant. And how! But at least we are honest about it. But guys, seriously, a free advice here. If all you want is the four letter word, take my word. Marriage is the last thing you want. ;-)


There are hardly any takers for the other options. Our fast-food generation doesn't seem to believe in the institution of marriage, and neither do they see it as an emotional retirement plan. At least I thought that if you could somehow resist the temptations of marriage, you could do well for yourself only up to a certain point. But at a certain age, you need to have someone who would love you enough to find beauty in your wrinkles or poetry in the way you wobble without your walking stick. 


And now the most interesting part of the poll. People had a chance to write in their views too if they didn’t agree with my options. The top 5 happen to be:

1) To bring more complexity in their lives :-P
Haha…completely agree. Bang on!

2) Because their parents won’t let it be any other way!
Hmm….quite true...isn't it?

3) To alive the ancestory (family) given name
Really??? To have kids? Please go watch Vicky Donor my boy! :-P

4) Social pressure on a girl
Or even a guy for that matter. *Sad but true!

5) To live with the person you love for the rest of your lives
True my friend. But the irony of life but Love is the most expensive thing you can ever afford in your life - in terms of money, energy, relationships and emotions involved. Choose wisely :-)

I don’t know about the guys, but the real reason I think girls get married is for a wedding dress. Don’t we girls just love to shop till we drop? And what better way to do it other than marriage? And get drowned in the endless world of buying sarees, suits, bangles, necklaces, bindis, purses, and what not! And the effing wedding dress. I mean, pray tell me, why otherwise would any sane person wish to end her own life with responsibilities of managing a household, of being the perfect wife, DIL, and various other relations that come with the package? I think we are a narcissist lot who enjoy all the attention that comes with being a bride. I think the marriage industry is also to be blamed for it to a great extent. They have kind of romanticized the whole thing so much that girls all over the world have unrealistic expectations from it. Marriage in a real world means something else altogether. And just for the clarification, I am not cynical about the whole marriage thing. I am just trying to paint a realistic picture here. I think most people get married for the whole romance thing. It feels so good to be doted on at by all and sundry, laden down with gifts, parties thrown in your honour everywhere. Its like, you become the centre of universe for a couple of days. But that’s that! Some days later, it is someone else’s chance and you look around the money wasted on decoration, jewellery, clothes and food and have no option but to sigh!

 

I say everybody should get married at least once! Nobody is a success at it but then, you can always become a philosopher... ;-)

23 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. True.... "Emotional retirement plan"..isn't it?

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  2. almost 33 .. and unmarried .. coz hvnt found my reason yet :p

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  3. Now that you are well on the path to become the next Oprah Winfrey or say Simi Garewal - An intriguing Idea for your next poll - and then you can write a lot on it too...What would you like/prefer or consider the best(chronological order - first to last, and with same person :P)?
    1. love,sex,marriage
    2. love, marriage,sex
    3. sex,marriage,love
    4. sex,love,marriage
    5. marriage,sex,love
    6. marriage,love,sex

    Happy blogging...!

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    1. Oprah or Simi...I don't know about that! But your quesiton is really interesting! We could def do a poll on that!

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  4. Well guess my species is going extinct....
    I wrote "coz they believe in institution of marriage"

    :) maybe i'm growing old n don't actually get this generation!

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    1. Ya..that's true...I hardly people who actually "believe in the institution of maariage" per say.

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  5. At first I thought this article was saracastic or trying to be funny. Then I re-read it and realised that

    1. Somebody actually thought they could conduct a poll with just one choice/reason per person for something as complex as Marriage/Long-term Relationships

    2. They can collate all the data, completely ignore what everyone says and enforce their own world-view which not even a single person voted for.

    That's quite an achievement. Maybe because I am married I might not sound too cynical. Apologies for that. But marriage is not the cause of dowry or broken relationships. People are getting progressive enough to marry without the baggage of dowry. Live-in relationships also suffer from agony and breakups.

    So, is Marriage all about living happily ever after. Of course, not. You have to really work to make a marriage work. It comes with a lot of expectations, tensions and challenges of its own. Frankly not every one wants to work hard at maintaining a relationship.

    However, if you are successful in building and nurturing a long-term relationship, it is more than worth the effort. It makes you and your partner more than the sum of parts. It becomes the bedrock for a happy and fulfilling life. It is truly something worth experiencing.

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    1. arocks- loved your comments;
      i couldn't put the same feelings as nicely as you did.

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    2. @arocks: you are right that I cannot conclusively say anything on any matter with that kind of a poll, let alone the ever intriguing Marriage thing. And this post is not just based on the poll. I happen to meet people from all walks of like, married or not and try to gauge their reasons, and you know I found out that at the bottom of all this, almost everyone does have an ulterior motive behind getting married. Nobody really cares a damn about the institution as such, its just that with their own motives, they can do a "ek teer se do nishaane".

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    3. @Ghata: Everyone has a motive for doing any action. Else it doesn't make sense for them to do it, does it?

      Calling Marriage an 'institution' is just a verbal gymnastic. A contortion that doesn't convey much. If you meant, marriage is no longer an end to itself (based on your last line), it was always the case. If people want to do something, they can always rationalize their actions (even wrong ones). But it doesn't mean that what they said was their real motive.

      If you mean that it is not considered as 'sacred' as it used to be. Probably you are right. Youngsters are asking why go through all the ceremony just to be with someone they like. Perhaps they have a point.

      It all boils down to what your expectation from a marriage is. If you have unrealistic expectations then you are bound to be disappointed. Heck it is true for anything.

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    4. @arocks: very true..and that's what I said in the last para! The whole romanticized version of marriage has set unrealistic expectations for youngsters who are constantly feeling weighed down by it. And that's why I said, your really reason to get married should be in the right place to make it work.

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  6. Generalising with a count of 26 votes is quite blatant... if you want to go through a public voting, put it at some social media network....say, Facebook?

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    1. @Anonymous: I didn't generalize anything here. I just put up what people had voted. And at the end, I put down my opinion which had 0 votes. So there.
      But yes, your idea is definitely taken. The next time I can try doing the poll on Facebook! Thanks for stopping by :-)

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  7. hahhah....ok, that does explain why a girl gets married, but what is your theory about guys? They wouldn't want to shop or want to be seen in a shiny outfit if they can help it! I think their girlfriends or moms make them do it! :)
    Or perhaps it's just sex, one of the answer options you had! I bet you, the 3 people who chose this option were guys!

    Amusing essay.

    Nice to connect with you. I have an entry for the same contest - please do stop by when you get a chance. Would love to have your opinion on my presentation. Here is the link -

    http://reekycoleslaw.com/?p=507

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    1. @Rickie: Ohh you bet! The S word it is, as far as I understand. They just want it, whichever way they can get it!
      Thanks for your time and stopping by. Welcome to the blog :-)
      Will definitely check out your entry too!

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  8. you missed an option in your poll oprah :D
    http://www.dailyfundose.net/2012/02/if-boys-and-girls-fail-in-exam/

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    1. Ha! But that's too sexist for my taste!

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  9. Quite an interesting take on the subject of Marriage, Ghata :)
    Although, the fact is, if the youth are not ready for arrange marriage, they are certainly not ready for a live-in or love marriage.
    What is the barometer for measuring their level of maturity? How can they vouch for the fact that they can make their own decisions, they need to prove that first.
    Anyways, humans are different from animals. Animals have a race against time to reproduce, which is something humans don't need to bother about. So, as a result they can focus on the more finer things in life.
    I believe youth of today's time are just too impatient and too silly at times. Having no clue about pros and cons they just start living the Bollywood life. They don't have time to introspect as well.

    Jay
    http://road-to-sanitarium.blogspot.in/

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    1. @Jay: I agree with you to an extent that youth today is impatient and silly. But with the western culture kicking in, and advertisers going into an overdrive with the whole romance associated with the marriage thing, sometimes, the youth too are left groping around with too much info and feeling weighed down by it!

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  10. secret of happy married life ! Marry again and again . keep buying new dresses and make her feel center of the world! wah . that was easy.

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    1. hahaha...more than easy...that sounds fun!

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