Saturday, September 22, 2012

Love - a habit, an addiction or sacrifice?

I was watching Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam for the nth time today. I always feel the same rush of emotions while watching the naked display of raw emotions, as Ajay Devgan is torn between his love and responsibilities. And especially the last scene where Aishwarya finally gets what she's been seeking all along - her love but turns it down in favor of her husband.

Till the last time I remember having seen the movie, I never felt the way I felt today. Maybe it was because of the fact that I have loved and married the man I chose and maybe could relate to both Salman's and Aishwarya's emotional suffering. There is this last scene where Aishwarya walks away from Salman and I felt angered. I mean, there he was, suffering as much as she was, suddenly weaving dreams of a happy future once again with the love of his life, only to be rejected and turned down and left forlorn for the second time. I mean, once is more than enough for anybody to go through that hell!

The love birds - Aish and Salman!

Anyway, I felt my anger directed at Aish but then I thought that it was not her mistake entirely too. It's not easy to forget your first love and get married to somebody and just resign to your fate like that. At least you need some time to come to terms with that. Anybody in her place would still long for the ex after the unceremonious exit of Salman from her life and a quick marriage to Ajay Devgan. But there's our hero who wants Aish and Salman to unite and takes her to a strange country to find him. Through the turbulent times together Aish realizes how selfless her husband is and begins to believe that that is true love! And then I got angry at her parents for making her go through this.

Because if Aish had never been forced to get married to Ajay Devgan, there would never have been that guilt that she was probably feeling because of which she throws away her love. There was nothing wrong with all three of them. All of them were true lovers and one of them lost. Why? Only if she wasn't married, and she was on the quest to find her soul mate, I am sure she would have probably happily married him by the evening without a second thought.

Aish with her on-screen husband Ajay

And that led me to think that is Love actually the other name for sacrifice? Or is Love merely an addiction that we can shake off with the passage of time? Or may be just, a habit or getting used to a person that we can shake off with time?

I mean, if Aish hadn't spent some quality time with her husband, she would have never come to know of his godliness. And then there was the marriage to honor. And so her parents succeeded at what they had set out to do. Destroy her first love. Was it right? I can't really say. With time, she began to like Ajay, her love faded a little and marriage won over. I kind of felt cheated. And I have no idea why.

And then there is the sacrifice part. We love someone, we sacrifice a lot of things for their happiness. But was it love when Aish sacrificed her love to be with her husband, and in turn broke Salman's heart? What kind of love is that when you break someone's heart and balm someone else's? Can love really be measured? Ajay's love was greater than Salman's and so she decided to stay with him, does it work like that? I don't know. And I can't help thinking.

The more I think about it, the more I feel that the theory that "we find true love only once" is an eyewash. I think, as life progresses, we change and find different people who we can love. And I don't mean it in polyandry kind of way. I feel that Aish loved Salman when she was young, wild and passionate. But because of the heart break and subsequent marriage, something inside her changed forever. She wasn't the same girl anymore. And may be that's why she was able to appreciate a rather mature (Ajay Devgan's) love rather than the almost childish (Salman's) love. It was right, and yet I felt a little wronged. All these years, I always felt happy for Ajay Devgan in the end. But today, I think time has changed something inside me too. Having gone through the struggle to be with H for life, has changed me. Seeing someone's love story break half way just brings out my defenses strongly. Even if that love story is a fiction.



Tuesday, September 18, 2012

And you thought I was dead already?

I haven’t updated the blog in 20 days. To me, it seems like forever. I haven’t done this ever since I started to write here and experienced a different world altogether. But off late, things hadn’t been too promising. There was too much happening on the personal front, professional front, social front, you know? I was so caught in this mayhem of office, personal life, social commitmnets, having to pacify everyone around me. And so that left me almost breathless.

There were a lot of incidents happened that made me think, made my hands itch to write. But the mind was so overworked that I couldn’t get a single coherent thought make way to the blog without a million others bombarding my poor brain. Things took a turn for the worse when I accidentally deleted one of my stories that I had written for a contest. It was a grand idea and I had sat up late at night to finish it before it lost its charm. But! It was not to be, and ever since I haven’t been able to (metaphorically) pick the pen!

Readers have been kind enough to visit the blog regularly and some of them even professed to having missed me. Yay!! Some even came up with ideas just in case I was suffering from writer's block! Actually it was just the opposite of that! Anyhow, I loved the compliments and affection and was longing to feel that exhilarating feeling I feel every time I unburden myself with abstract thought taking the shape of beautiful words and connecting me to a wide range of people who love me, and love to hate me!

And all this while I was gone,

-I watched a couple of movies, including the recently released barfi. Loved it completely.
-Read a couple of good books. (one of those long pending in to-be-read books list)
-Got a few surprises from H. Including new books and a very cute bag! :-))
-Fought with an old friend and that made me think a lot about people and how they could possibly outgrow each other even after a long 10 years of togetherness!
-Met my chaddi buddy N, after the longest time that we have known to be apart. We had an amazing time  like always, catching up on our lives and generally having fun!

Had some blooper moments too.
-Like I washed my awesome Sony cyber shot camera in the washing machine and no points for guessing, it’s broken and can be fixed for an amount equal to its original cost. And so, (no points for guessing again) we have decided to buy a new camera.
-I also dropped my phone a couple of times. And one of those times, lost my 4GB memory card. And with it, all my data, photos and most importantly my song list that I had so painstakingly created :-(

H has been a real sweetheart after recovering from his illness and acted so cool after I "washed" the camera. He even jokingly remarked that now the pictures would be so much cleaner! Ha! Now you know why I married him! :-P

And it feels like I have lived the excitement of a whole life within the last 20 days while nobody could guess from the outside, that so much action could be happening in my life on the inside. But now I think that I am back for good and doing what I do best - blabber!

And oh yes, my twin M has completed her Ph.D. And is now officially a doctor. And are we immensely proud!!

Stay blessed until the next time!