Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Being a Woman...

I had done the Being a Man post long ago. And had thought about doing this post soon after. But somehow, it didn't happen. Majorly for the reason that women are too versatile to be taken up completely under a single post. And so I never got around to it. But off late, there have been so many things happening around, things that I have gone through myself, things that my friends are going through and it doesn't make any sense. Or is it only me? And opposed to the funny Man, this Woman is pretty serious.

There are a couple of female friends who have apparently turned a "marriageable age" according to the parents. The girls believe otherwise. They are pretty happy with their single status and no-responsibilities-for-a-while life. Quite visibly, the parents and daughter have a difference of opinion here. But what completely evades my sane mind is why the parents choose to convince the daughter of their own opinion in an almost abhorring way. And no, I am not talking about some remote village in Haryana or Rajasthan, but about parents who always instilled confidence in their daughters that they were no less than a boy, had every right to good education and were brought up to be smart, confident and financially independent girls. And suddenly, these parents wonder about the fate of their girls if they weren't married at a ripe age. What would the society say? They purposefully make her believe that she is indeed a burden on their shoulders until she goes off to her marital home. WHY????? I am not even trying to take any sides here, because 18+ years is a valid age in our country to get married and who am I to question it. But why are the girls always shoved onto someone else as a responsibility when they can clearly be on their own very comfortably? Isn't there a better way to make them understand the point of getting married at an age their parents deem fit? Or do the girls have no choice at all? She can do everything like a boy, and still be a responsibility? I wonder how a stranger is ever going to treat your daughter as an equal when you so visibly don’t.

Another couple of friends have that someone special in their lives, but are finding it difficult to convince their parents of the same. Now again, I wouldn't want to start the Arranged marriage v/s Love marriage debate, as different things work for different people. But what I clearly find distasteful is the way parents want to stick to the conventional way of Arranged marriages, wherein they are made to act like the ladkiwaala whose sole job is to appease the ladkewaale's demands. The girls of our generation have been brought up with a mindset of boy-girl equality and no dowry policy. How do the parents even think that these girls can go on and live peacefully with such guys and their parents? Even if the girl doesn't want to get married to such a moron to defend her parents' honor, she is not allowed to do so. After all, appeasing the groom's family is the norm...isn't it? We are confused. If the norm of killing the girl child at birth wasn't followed, then surely this doesn't need to be followed too..isn't it? What's the point of making her aware of her choices and then denying them? Wasn't she better off not knowing them? Isn't ignorance really a bliss? Are you really that desperate to get your girl off your back that you are ready to pay any amount of money and goodies to a complete stranger to make way for her into their homes and lives?

I feel sorry for women who have been relegated to such behavior, spanning generations and across centuries. But I feel worst when I see parents doing it to their love-you-till-death "ghar ki izzat" daughters, who themselves are well read and in tune with the times. I know we have come far from those days when the girls were not allowed to study nor do anything of their own free will. But at that time, at least the people had some logic behind their behavior. They didn't let the girls out of the house, the girls obviously didn't know the kind of opportunities that existed for them outside the four walls of the house and were content with the house work. But it’s really worrying to see parents who have let their daughters let go so far and suddenly want to go all traditional when it comes to marriage and even expect the daughters to do a complete U-turn from their beliefs hitherto, and conform to the whims and fancies of a stranger and his family.

It would be an understatement if I said a woman's life was tough. It was perhaps my naivety that I thought that girls were meted out an equal treatment in today's world. Have you ever imagined what a girl would feel like when she is made to believe that she is only a responsibility on her parents? And when she does get married, she is always the outsider in the husband's family. Is there nobody she can actually call her own? Somebody who will lover her for her person and not just doll her up so that it would be easy to get rid of her, the burden that she is? Will this regressive behavior meted out to girls ever go away? For no reason do they say, "Charity begins at home". Perhaps some "new-age" parents do need to learn from the age old adage.

More than anger, I feel extremely frustrated and saddened. And lonely. 
And perhaps, that's the reason why some people feel sad at the birth of a daughter. Because they understand that apart from fighting the demons of female infanticide, eve teasing, molestation and her physical vulnerabilities, she will also have to face the trauma of always being a burden on either her family or her husband, and still feel like she belongs to none in the world.

Quoting a few lines from one of my favorite books "Gone with the Wind" that aptly sum up what I feel about a woman's life:

"Her life was not easy, nor was it happy, but she did not expect life to be easy, and, if it was not happy, that was a woman’s lot. It was a man’s world, and she accepted it as such. The man owned the property, and the woman managed it. The man took the credit for the management, and the woman praised his cleverness. The man roared like a bull when a splinter was in his finger, and the woman muffled the moans of childbirth, lest she disturb him. Men were rough of speech and often drunk. Women ignored the lapses of speech and put the drunkards to bed without bitter words. Men were rude and outspoken, women were always kind, gracious and forgiving."

Monday, November 12, 2012

Happiness ... on land and in water....

And so, after the fiasco last time, a lot of precautions were taken this time around ( read: the balcony was left for the mommy pigeon to play around) and the pigeon pair is back in our balcony. And not once but twice over. One pair hatched a week ago, and one just yesterday morning. You have just got to see those little pink fluffies to believe how small they can really be. They are yet to open their eyes, and are still being kept warm by their respective mothers, and in the same way before the eggs hatched. I don't know how the kids are eating though, because I haven't seen them eat at all. Even when the mommies go out to eat, the kids just lie still, or poke each other which is the cutest part, because they can't see and just move their heads randomly. 

Check these pics out. And please pardon me for the quality of these pics. These have been taken very conspicuously with my phone camera because I didn't want the possessive mommies attacking me for fooling around with their babies!!!

The week old babies
The possessive mother hanging around!

The just born "pink"babies

And on a totally unrelated note, it was my nephew S's birthday two weeks back and we got him this. 

S's b'day gift: A fish bowl :-)
It's got 4 beautiful fishes. (4 seems to be our lucky number these days ;-))

S is thrilled to have these. And loves feeding them because they run around the most at that time. They almost come to the surface to grab the food and generally run around a lot inside the bowl. But apparently, S didn't like what we had named the fishes. I don't blame him though. He's too young to understand the humor.

One of the four is black and the most active in the group. So we named him Che Guevara for his revolutionary behavior.
The second one is silver, very pretty and lady like and prances around smoothly like a belly dancer. We call her Simi Garewal.
The third is orange colored with a bold black mark right on the forehead which looks a crop of black hair. He is called baba Ramdev for he matches the saffron robe and black hair seamlessly.
The fourth is completely orange in color and we call him Tango Charlie.

Since S didn't like the names mentioned above, he's decided to give them uncomplicated but rhyming names.
The black and white pair is called Honey & Money, while the orange colored pair is Top & Hop. Simplicity!!!!

We are yet to name our pigeon babies. Would love to hear back from you guys on any name suggestions before our babies fly the coop ;-)

Also, it’s our babies’ first Diwali tomorrow. And like every year, this year too, we won’t be bursting any crackers because we don’t want to scare the poor things. I hope you will do the same for all the new born and old people around who can’t take the loud sound and have difficulty in breathing because of all the smoke and pollution in the air. 

Celebrate Diwali in its righteous spirit with lots of sweets, smiles, friends and family. Have fun. Spread the happiness and take care.