Thursday, July 11, 2013

Women and (anti)feminism!

As I grow older with each passing day, I realize how difficult it is to be a woman in this world. And no, I won't start talking about women abuse, female infanticide and bride burning - typical women abuse at the hands of men. The culprits here are the other women. Women, I see, are extreme and quick to judge other women. And hence I have come to believe that a certain part of abuse in our society goes on only because there are other women out there who are watching you move every muscle and quick to pounce on any step that seems non-committal.

Slowly, I understand how strong women have to be especially the ones who are celebrities or in limelight.
The cleavage is judged - too high (trying to act Sita), too low (they all are whores!).
The hemline of the dress - too short (why is she wearing it anyway!), too long (she's such a matron!)
The makeup, the shoes, the career choices, the personal choices - everything!
Too many boyfriends - these girls are like that only. No moral character!
The ones that don't disclose their personal life - As if we don't know they are sleeping around with everyone that can help them with their careers!
The ones who loose baby fat quickly - Isn't that SO wrong? Why do they have babies when they can't even take care of them?
The ones who don't - What is she even thinking? Look at her...looking like her husband's mother!

One would think this kind of bullying existed only for the celebrated celebrities. But no sir. All of us women are made to feel like "celebrated", albeit in a twisted way!

I have friends who work in the same company as their husbands or have similar work schedules. Yet they go home and manage the house including cooking the meals. Now, if the two people involved here are happy doing it, where's the problem? With the other women of course. They will be quick to judge the husband, "all men are like that", "girls have to do all the work after marriage" etc etc.
There are some like me who prefer to relax, read and write after the office hours and H is absolutely fine with it. We have a maid who cooks for us. And yet, I hear this all around, "Haaye, you don't cook for your husband?", "You don't make him breakfast?", "You don't give him lunch?" I mean as long as my husband and I don't have a problem with the "setting", why are all the other women so concerned? I am termed lazy, someone who doesn't take care of the husband too well. All by other women of course. In this case, there hasn't been a single man who has told me this. Instead, they have told me that I am very lucky to have such a husband. I agree sir. No doubts about that. Now why can't our women be like that?

And then there are the interminable comparisons. She does xyz, why don't you? She doesn't do abc, why should you? Why o why is it so difficult to understand that all of us are different in our natures and probably want different things from our lives. And hence we don't do xyz or want to do abc. You don't know a f***ing thing about anyone's journey of life. How they reached where they are right now. Probably they had/not had to take some pretty tough decisions. You can't question choices. There is no right or wrong. They are all individual prerogatives. God made us a certain way for some reason. Let's respect that. Can we, please?

And then the unsolicited advice. Please cut us some slack ladies. If we want it, we will ask for it. Like you don't dole out your extra cash, it would be such a relief if you stopped doing that with the stash of free advises you carry around in your secret armor and fling at unsuspecting souls. The unmarried will decide when they want to get married, the married will decide when they want to have a kid, the pregnant ladies can decide what kind of food/exercise/doctor/medicine is best for them, and parents can decide if they should have 2/3/4 or more number of kids. You know what? It might come as a shock, but no one really cares about your advice. So please. Save energy. Yours and mine.

Off late, I have this feeling over and over again, that our fight for feminism is against our own self. Against our own. Because for them, nothing is ever right. It's either wrong or grossly wrong. May be they need to learn that my choices suit me best. It, in no way, says that if you agree with my choices, you should do the same. It means that there is a certain way of doing things that works best for me and you are happy to know that. It might/might not work for you. May be we just need to learn to appreciate the good things in our and others' lives and just keep the not-so-good out of focus. I am not sure if that is feminism but that's definitely a key to being happy! Let us be fabulous women and not wo(e)men!!



14 comments:

  1. I agree, women are women's worst critics. Add to it petty jealousy, insecurities and emotions, it's a dangerous concoction.

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  2. Yeah, we tend to be our worst enemies. Add to that our penchant of poking our nose is the affairs of others.

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    1. It's sad Ruchira. I wish we could change this about ourselves !

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  3. Lol.
    Feminism means hatred.
    Be it against men or women.
    They love filing false cases, curse other person & behave as if they are always victim

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    1. Feminism does not mean you hate men or women! It just wants women to be given an equivocal standing by both men and women! But sadly, today, men are abusing women and other women are indirectly helping such men by judging the women!

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  4. :)
    :( :)
    Almost each word you wrote runs in parallel with my thoughts..
    Feminism is about embracing the beauty of the other side.. It is about knowing that both femininity and masculinity coexist in each of us..

    It is about loving and fuelling both of these..
    But burn this fuel, we often..in judging others and fighting with what other (women) judge about you..

    The times i have tried not to do any of it..and just be myself.. Have always gifted me with an out of the world feeling..!!

    I think i should do that more often!

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    1. "It is about knowing that both femininity and masculinity coexist in each of us.." So true!

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  5. Well written Ghata. I agree with your view point sometimes a woman is the biggest head ache for another woman. I guess it has got to do with all the free times majority of Indian home makers have at there hands, with some good amount of free time at hand, they go about gossiping/counselling anyone they can get there hands on. Don't worry, the best recipe is to ignore and carry on with your life.Tc:-)

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    1. To an extent you are right. But you know what? This insecurity, back biting and gossiping about the other women continues even with those young and working and I am appalled to see the types!

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  6. Women are the harshest on each other.

    And since it's impossible to make everyone happy, why bother?

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    Replies
    1. I agree Purba...it's just easier said than done! Thanks for dropping by....it's an honour :-)

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