Thursday, January 30, 2014

(Un)Learning ?

I am going to be a 2 month old mother. Little S is growing up fast and naughty. Everyday I think of things I will teach her, activities that I will do with her as she grows up. We, as adults think of  infants as these tiny fragile things who are incapable and helpless for just about everything. That we need to teach them anything and everything. How wrong could we be?

Little S Is a demanding kid. When she wants something she wants it. Now how on earth am I supposed to know what is it that she wants? All she does is cry. But even these tiny little people know how to get their message across. They have different styles of crying. Soft sounds which might be a warning, medium pitched crying by which time you should ideally be on your toes, and finally the high voltage wails which if you haven't heeded the first two types of cries. God gave them only one weapon to start their journey. And boy, do they use it well.

These little people are just like animals in so many ways. No pun intended. Their sensory skills are so sharp. Don't they just surprise you when you put them down on the bed and lo, surprised wondering eyes greet you. And this is when you have been rocking them for the past half hour or more and you are busy congratulating yourself for the good work done. They can differentiate between the softest cradle and their parents' arms. I know I know. All you new mums like me are nodding your heads and smiling :-)

As we grow up, we rely so much on what the eyes see and what the ears hear. As we grow, we gradually forget or unlearn how sensitive and initutive we were, once. And that makes me think, I have so much to learn from little S rather than the other way round....isn't it?

Monday, January 27, 2014

My best friend's wedding!

It's the best friend's wedding. It's something she andIi had been waiting and discussing for the longest time. But call it irony or what, its happening at a time when i am at my busiest. S hardly gives me any time to read or write, let alone plan or attend a wedding.

It would have been so much fun to organise a bachelorette for her, but being in different cities and being held up makes matters worse. I am missing out on all the fun and shaadi shopping , and she, on my awesome company ;-)

But babes, I want to tell you something. You know I am not good at saying out these things out loud. So here it is.

I am so so happy for you. Finally THE wedding is happening. With your man. And I know how much you have struggled to reach this space and time. Personal and professional tribulations of the highest order. I know for a fact that anyone else in your shoes would have lost it by this time. But you strode on. You know you are the strongest and I don't need to tell you that. You deserve all this happiness and much more. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

I just wish I could have been there for you, with you, being a part of this happiness journey. But nonetheless, my wishes are always with you as you start this journey of a lifetime. Loads of love. See you soon. And trust me, you will make the prettiest bride ever. Your man is indeed very lucky to have you :-)

PS : I know I could have sent her a personal email. But my bestie loves a little drama. So here is a straight-from-the-heart message for her.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

The fruit of my labor!!

This post is dedicated to all my friends who are in the family way and want to know my delivery experience. You see, it's not something I can sum up in a few words. It's a long drawn out experience. So sit back and enjoy. Better if you can haul in a tub of popcorn.

So I was in my 39th week of pregnancy and there were still no signs of  labor. The doc had asked us to wait for another week.
It was a friday, and I was feeling pretty exhausted. I decided to make it my last working day in office. As luck would have it, I woke up with mild pains on saturday morning. Inspite of the pain, I was happy because finally something was happening. H was informed, and we both decided to get ready and head to the hospital. By the time we had groomed ourselves for the little one's arrival, the pains had subsided too. We thought they would come back. We were in for disappointment. 6 hours of labor pain had amounted to nothing. Quite obviously, I was upset.

The rest of  Saturday passed without any drama. Sunday was pretty much the same. I went for my regular walk on sunday evening and that's when I felt mild contractions. I ignored them as signs of false labor again. By 10 in the night, the contractions were still mild but regular. But the disappointed me went off to sleep. I slept fitfully for a couple of hours as the contractions continued.  By 3 in the morning, the pains were harder and woke up H :-P I still belived this was not real, and decided to see the gynae closer home before heading to the hospital.  :-P

The gynae at the hospital confirmed that indeed I was in active labor. In pain, but happy again, we set
out for the hospital at 4 in the morning. I was in a lot of pain by the time we started for hospital and  I was worried if we would reach the hospital in time. Reach the hospital we did and I was duly admitted at 5 in the morning.

What followed was hours and hours of gruelling, mind numbing pain. I cried and cried and requested the doctor and nurses to do a C-sec. But the doc knew it was the pain talking, not me. After a couple of hours, the nurses weren't sympathetic either. I got a good hearing from the nurses many a times but nothing mattered. The pain loomed large over everything. I was sure I was going to die :-P

Finally around 2 pm, after 16 hours of excruciatingly  maddening pains, little S finally made a grand entry in this world. The scene inside the labor room was quite filmy though. There I was, crying from the pain, quite like how they show in the movies. The gynae and the nurses were, quite film-ily asking me to push harder and harder. In the final moments, when I literally pushed the life out of me,
and S was born, I fell back tired and relived. And a couple of seconds later, i heard the typical "uaan uaan" crying of the infant. I think I smiled in my heart :-)

But filmy or not, it's true that the sight of your newborn at that moment is enough to make you forget all the pain.

Little S makes me happy :-)

Thursday, January 2, 2014


I had never thougt motherhood would feel like so many different things. I had thought it was just a feeling of mush and love and care for your child. But that is another notion that I have just tossed into the bin after becoming a mother myself. I am not even sure I can call myself a mother yet. The feeling hasn't sunk in.

The moment s was born (after a 16 hr labor), the only thing that my mind and heart wanted to do was a jig on the labor room chair. But of course, only in spirit. Later when she was handed over to me for the first time, I was filled with wonder and amazement. This was the little person H and I had made. She is beautiful and I felt proud. And then happened the first night with S when we brought her home. I remember how the whole night passed between feeding sessions, changing nappies and cleaning a soiled bottom. In between these frenzied activities, a moment or two of catching breath, I asked myself a tad frustrated, "is this motherhood?"

Of course, motherhood is this and a lot of other things that I discover every day. Emotions range from ecstasy to uncontrolled pride and mush to sleelplessness and irritation. Am I enjoying motherhood? In the day, yes. Not so much in the night ;-) But it's definitely an experience worth having.

Having doubts about having a baby? Go on..make one. Trust me you won't regret it ;-)