Sunday, April 6, 2014

F Forgives and Forgets?

How many times have we not heard this old age adage? But how many of us truly believe on it? Or to put it more correctly, how many of us really follow it? It is one of those self help techniques, which are way easier said than done, isn't it?

What does forgiveness mean to you? That when someone realizes their mistake, you should let go? Or even if that someone does not realize their mistake, you be the bigger person and let go? And either way, even of of you can forgive the person, can you really forget? Unless you have the memory span of a goldfish ;-)


I, for one, can't forget people who I know still stand by their doing , something which is wrong for me. Of course, that could be a difference of opinion. But there are differences of opinion that you can live with and move on and there are some which become a bone of contention. And there is no point in being the bigger person in such cases because it's going to happen over and over. And ultimately you are going to have a one on one with that person. Why not do it the first time around and save yourself much heartburn? 😤

And speaking of forgetting, unpleasant experiences of any kind have a habit of staying in howsoever small crevice of your  memory. It never really goes away. I believe there is an irony in the statement itself. What it really means is that in reality, you aren't going to forget, so forgive and move on like it never happened. Pretty close to forgetting, right?

But my point is, can you really ever forgive if you can't forget?

16 comments:

  1. I can't forgive nor can I forget..In cases that I did forgive, I was hurt even more...So no and no to both...maybe few cases I can still forgive but forget never ever...

    Random Thoughts Naba

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  2. Forgiving for me means...reconciling to the situation, accept that which cannot be changed and make peace with it.

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  3. Forgiving and forgetting depends on the situation and the impact of the wrong done. If everyday one goes through hell because of someone's wrong doing (whci they refuse to accept as wrong), how can one forget, let alone forgive? Can one forgive a child abuser or a rapist no matter how magnanimous one is? And can it be forgotten? I don't know. Often times, people who do wrong draw strength from the silence. They think that they can do anything and get away with it, because, he/she will always be forgiven.

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  4. I don't believe this. You wrote this for me, right? I find my exact thoughts echoed here. Especially the, "Why not do it the first time around and save yourself much heartburn?"
    I don't forget and rarely forgive.

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  5. I cannot forget, however, I can forgive.

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  6. I can't do both. To me forgiving is first of all forgiving my self and not letting the thoughts do a parade in my mind. I wrote on the TOPIC "BONE OF CONTENTION" just a month back due to some unforgettable memory but ya thoughts do get diluted and when new thoughts occupy more space in brain you can more or less forget. To me it is always the best to stay away from people who once were close and have hurt u in an unexpected way
    PHEW! This post again brought back some things which I want to forget :D

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  7. I can't forget (even the tiny little ouch moments) and whenever someone has hurt me more than once (yes, I keep the count) I have always created a safety wall for myself and never let that person back in... So I guess I can't forgive either...

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  8. For me it has to do with the gravity of the issue and what are the chances of it happening (or not ) again

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  9. For me it depends on the situation. I can't forgive and forget everything and everyone. Especially when you hurt me when I am vulnerable. I have a sharp memory and I may never forget. :)

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  10. When I was younger, I used to hold on to negative feelings and slights for a very long time. Age has taught me to mellow down. I may not always be able to forgive nor forget either, but I try to forgive and move on as best as I can.

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  11. It is hard to forget, but time wipes away everything if you don't make a conscious effort to remember. So I think it is just better to think of positives and move on. Time does the rest.

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  12. You are right Ghata. Forgetting does not come easily. As you say, forgiving and moving on works for me :)

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  13. It is easy for me to forgive and even give 'n' number of second chances without uttering a word but I can never forget. And once my tolerance level is gone then It is the end of the relationship.

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  14. so true the sooner we forgive and forget, the better it is for each one :)

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  15. even I cannot forgive.. So I stay away to save energy ...

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  16. I can forgive easily, but never forget what they did. And that I must tell you harms me only.

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